When I came back to Doha from the States last summer, it was a hard reentry. I told myself it was because we hadn't even been in-country a full year yet, so perhaps we went back "too soon" and that was why returning to Qatar felt so...raw. But then I went to my sister's wedding in February, and, even though I was only gone a week (which included 48 hours or so of travel time), I felt that painful reentry shock again, perhaps even worse than before because my trip had been so busy and short. That time around, at least, I noticed something was wrong much more quickly than the time before, but that still didn't stop me from feeling incredibly cranky (PMS didn't help), wanting to spend (and actually spending) long periods of time in bed (only some of which was because of cramps--I come from a long line of sleepers: when the going gets tough, I sleep!), socially hibernating, and endless negativity. I wasn't eating well or thinking very clearly. The poor husband was seriously considering not letting me go back to the States ever again! And yet, summer rolled around again, and off we went, this time for even longer than before, ten full weeks. And now we're back, and once again I am feeling...a little off kilter. I'm busy, don't get me wrong, but also somewhat unsettled and a bit...discontented.
This same sense of letdown happens even when we take vacations to other places where we don't see family or old friends, though to a lesser extent. Those post-holiday blues are a little more understandable, actually: I spend a lot of time planning our trips and while we are taking them, I am constantly ON, shepherding us from place to place, cheerleading when things to awry, managing expectations, adjusting plans as needed, etc., so as soon as we get back and all that ends, it seems natural that I might take a few days to just chill. But a few days is not a few weeks. And these longer episodes are not me relaxing but rather retreating, burrowing, and hiding.
So, what does that all add up to? To me, it sounds like a (perhaps not so) tiny little bit of depression. You see, I'm no stranger to occasional bouts of the blues, and I have to say that being an expat has seemed to result in more frequent bouts so far. I have never cried as much in my life as during my first two months here, not even after a stroke and a miscarriage! I wondered if I would ever stop crying, but eventually, of course, I did. And I am not crying now, or even sad, per se, it's just a bit of a downer to come back to all the craziness here after all the relaxation of the summer.
Because it was so very relaxing this summer! Even when it was marginally stressful or aggravating, it was relaxing, because it was predictable, recognizable stress, the easy kind of aggravation to deal with. I was only back a few weeks when the permanent knot between my shoulders disappeared entirely; it was sooo great! And now...it's back, as the insane, unpredictable, mind-boggling stress rears its ugly head. Boo! And now the stress is even greater as we have found out that the hospital is facing an uncertain future. Some lay-offs have already started to happen and the pace will only quicken, so we don't even know what will happen when the dust settles. Lots of uncertainty abounds and I can do absolutely nothing about it!
So, what to do? Expat blues blogs (yes, they're a thing!) tell me to "increase my self-care" and "find a new interest." Yeah, not so much for me. "Do not isolate yourself" works since that's impossible. I've got lots to do, which might now include downsizing a house in addition to the PTA and the library. "Go workout" is good advice whenever and yes, I've started that now that the school schedule has settled. "Pick up a camera?" Meh. "Eating healthier" is part of the plan...just as soon as we get back from our Eid break trip to Greece (scheduled and paid for before all this happened). "Give yourself something to look forward to." Actually, I do have some work to do for our Greek excursion, so there's always that: cope with the current place by planning the escape to the next place may not be healthy or recommended, but it's totally me! And finally, "write it down" is what I'm doing right now--score!
So I'll keep you posted! And good thoughts and prayers are appreciated!
This same sense of letdown happens even when we take vacations to other places where we don't see family or old friends, though to a lesser extent. Those post-holiday blues are a little more understandable, actually: I spend a lot of time planning our trips and while we are taking them, I am constantly ON, shepherding us from place to place, cheerleading when things to awry, managing expectations, adjusting plans as needed, etc., so as soon as we get back and all that ends, it seems natural that I might take a few days to just chill. But a few days is not a few weeks. And these longer episodes are not me relaxing but rather retreating, burrowing, and hiding.
So, what does that all add up to? To me, it sounds like a (perhaps not so) tiny little bit of depression. You see, I'm no stranger to occasional bouts of the blues, and I have to say that being an expat has seemed to result in more frequent bouts so far. I have never cried as much in my life as during my first two months here, not even after a stroke and a miscarriage! I wondered if I would ever stop crying, but eventually, of course, I did. And I am not crying now, or even sad, per se, it's just a bit of a downer to come back to all the craziness here after all the relaxation of the summer.
Because it was so very relaxing this summer! Even when it was marginally stressful or aggravating, it was relaxing, because it was predictable, recognizable stress, the easy kind of aggravation to deal with. I was only back a few weeks when the permanent knot between my shoulders disappeared entirely; it was sooo great! And now...it's back, as the insane, unpredictable, mind-boggling stress rears its ugly head. Boo! And now the stress is even greater as we have found out that the hospital is facing an uncertain future. Some lay-offs have already started to happen and the pace will only quicken, so we don't even know what will happen when the dust settles. Lots of uncertainty abounds and I can do absolutely nothing about it!
So, what to do? Expat blues blogs (yes, they're a thing!) tell me to "increase my self-care" and "find a new interest." Yeah, not so much for me. "Do not isolate yourself" works since that's impossible. I've got lots to do, which might now include downsizing a house in addition to the PTA and the library. "Go workout" is good advice whenever and yes, I've started that now that the school schedule has settled. "Pick up a camera?" Meh. "Eating healthier" is part of the plan...just as soon as we get back from our Eid break trip to Greece (scheduled and paid for before all this happened). "Give yourself something to look forward to." Actually, I do have some work to do for our Greek excursion, so there's always that: cope with the current place by planning the escape to the next place may not be healthy or recommended, but it's totally me! And finally, "write it down" is what I'm doing right now--score!
So I'll keep you posted! And good thoughts and prayers are appreciated!
I am sorry to read about your very understandable blues. You chose a tough lot, my friend! I vote for meditation. I keep reading about how great it is and totally mean to try it, but after several bouts of mysterious pain in various locations (hello, anxiety!) I'm getting more serious. My health-challenged sister says meditation, sleep and exercise are critical to her managing pain enough to function. I like the book 8 Minute Meditation - sounds doable, right? Presents many different approaches.
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